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which hc member could have this cv?

  1. stardust

    119 Posts.

    cy Application Best Practice

    What follows is a real, honest-to-god application from a student received by a colleague at Southampton Uni. The really cool thing is, they gave him a place on the course.


    3A. ESSAy : In order for the admissions staff of our university to get to know you, the applicant,
    better, we ask that you answer the following question:

    Are there any significant experiences you have had, or accomplishments you have realised, that
    have helped to define you as a person?

    I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. I have been known to remodel train
    stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. I translate ethnic
    slurs for Kenyan refugees, I write award-winning operas, and manage time efficiently. Occasionally, I
    tread water for three days in a row.

    I woo women with my sensuous and godlike trombone playing, I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines
    with unflagging speed, and I cook thirty-Minute Brownies in twenty minutes. I am an expert in stucco,
    a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru. Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-
    handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. I play
    bluegrass celIo, I had trials with Manchester United, I am the subject of numerous documentaries.
    When I'm bored, I build large suspension bridges in my garden. I enjoy urban hang gliding. On
    Wednesdays, after school, I repair electrical appliances free of charge.

    I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless bookie.

    Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of corduroy evening wear. I don't perspire. I am a
    private citizen, yet I receive fan mail. I have appeared on Through the Keyhole and won the gold
    plaque. Last summer I toured Ea."tern Europe with a traveling centrifugal-force demonstration. I run the
    lOOm in 9.65 secs. My deft floral arrangements have earned me fame in international botany circles.
    Children trust me.

    I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy. I once read Paradise Lost,
    Moby Dick, and David Copperfield in one day and still had time to refurbish an entire dining room that
    evening. I know the exact location of every food item in the supermarket. I have performed several
    covert operations for the CIA. I sleep once a week; when I do sleep, I sleep in a chair. While on
    vacation in Canada, I successfully negotiatt-:d with a group of terrorists who had seized a small bakery.
    The laws of physics do not apply to me.

    I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic, and my bills are all paid. On weekends, to let off steam, I
    participate in full-contact origami. Years ago I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it

    I have made extraordinary four course meals using only some vegetables and a Breville Toaster. I
    breed prize winning clams.

    I have won bullfights in Madrid, cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka, and chess competitions at the
    Kremlin. I have played Hamlet, I have performed open-heart surgery, and I have spoken with Elvis.

    But I have not yet gone to this University.

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