True Emergency Room Visits !

  1. 2,099 Posts.
    True Emergency Room Visits !

    INNER SKELETON----- A 63 year old widow was admitted to the hospital in
    Recife, Brazil, suffering abdominal pains. X-rays showed that she was
    carrying a 20 inch long skeleton of a fetus which she conceived a decade
    earlier. It had become lodged outside the womb and was never expelled from
    her body.

    FEMALE SOFA----- A 500lb. woman from Illinois was examined in a hospital.
    During the examination, an asthma inhaler fell from under her armpit, a dime
    was found under one of her breasts and a remote control was found lodged
    between the folds of her vulva.

    PRICKLY PAIR-----OUCH! In Michigan, a man came into the ER with lacerations
    to his penis. He complained that his wife had "...a rat in her privates..."
    and it bit him during sex. After an examination of his wife, it was revealed
    that she had a surgical needle left inside her after a recent hysterectomy.

    PING PONG ANYONE?----- A 20 year old man came into the ER with a stony mass in his rectum. He said that he and his boyfriend were fooling around with
    concrete mix, then his boyfriend had the idea of pouring the mix into his
    anus using a funnel. The concrete then hardened, causing constipation and
    pain. Under general anesthesia, a perfect concrete cast of the man's
    rectum was removed along with a ping pong ball. (Boy we live sheltered
    lives -thank goodness)

    BLIND DRUNK----- A drunk staggered into a Pennsylvania ER complaining of
    severe pain while trying to remove his contact lenses. He said that they
    would come out halfway, but they always popped back in.
    A nurse tried to help using a suction pump, but without success.
    Finally, a doctor examined him and discovered the man
    did not have his contact lenses in at all. He had been trying to rip out
    the membrane of his cornea.

    OUCH AND DOUBLE OUCH!----- A couple hobbled into a Washington State
    emergency room covered in bloody restaurant towels. The man had his hands
    around his abdomen and the woman had hers around her head.
    They eventually explained to doctors that they had gone out that evening for
    a romantic dinner. Overcome with passion, the woman crept under the table to administer oral sex to the man. While in the act, she had an epileptic fit, which caused her to clamp down on the man's penis and wrench it from side to side. In agony and desperation, the man grabbed a fork and stabbed her in the head until she let go.

    And you all thought your day was going bad

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