the health guru speaks

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    Trying so hard to be healthy, as you can see below, no need!!!

    The Health Guru speaks...

    Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?

    A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it...don't waste
    them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart
    will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of
    your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.



    Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?

    A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and
    corn. And what are these? Vegetables.
    So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering
    vegetables to your system. Need grain?
    Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy
    vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100! % of your recommended daily
    allowance of vegetable products.



    Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?

    A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that
    means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the
    goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!



    Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

    A: Well, if you have a body and you have body fat, your ratio is one to one.
    If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.



    Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise
    program?

    A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good



    Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?

    A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!!. Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In
    fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for
    you?



    Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the
    middle?

    A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should
    only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.



    Q: Is chocolate bad for me?

    A: Are you crazy? HELLO ...... Cocoa beans ... another vegetable!!! It's the
    best feel-good food around!



    Q: Is swimming good for your figure?

    A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.



    Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?

    A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!



    Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about
    food and diets and remember, "Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with
    the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body,
    but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - strawberries in
    the other body thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and screaming - WOO
    HOO! What a Ride!"
 
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