stock market terms & abbreviations

  1. 375 Posts.
    Modern Financial Terms, Explained:
    "BUY, BUY" -- A flight attendant making market recommendations as you step off the plane.
    BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18-month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry
    BROKER -- What my broker has made me.
    BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
    CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
    CEO -- chief embezzlement officer.
    CFO -- corporate fraud officer.
    EBIT -- earnings before irregularities and tampering.
    EPS -- eventual prison sentence.
    FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy who actually remembers his wallet when he runs to the 7-11 for toilet paper and cigarettes.
    INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Prior year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
    MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
    MOMENTUM INVESTING -- The fine art of buying high and selling low.
    NAV -- normal Anderson valuation.
    P/E -- parole entitlement.
    P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
    PROFIT -- Religious guy who talks to God.
    STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
    STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
    STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally...between themselves.
    VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

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