sledging... at its best

  1. 2,092 Posts.
    Subject: Sledging... at it best

    When Australia toured New Zealand a few years back and Blair Pocock was opening the batting for the Kiwis. Having played and missed at a couple he was then approached by Mark Waugh from slip. Waugh pointed at Pocock and said "oh yeah, I remember you, you toured Australia a couple of years ago. You were sh*t then too." Pocock then proceded to hit the next ball for four and pointed at Waugh and said "oh yeah, I remember you too, you had that f*cking ugly old girlfriend........ and then you went and married her you dumb c*nt."

    Glenn McGrath (to Otto Brandes, tubby South African no. 11, after a 85mph delivery whistles past OB's chin) : Why are you so fat? OB :Because every time I f*ck your wife, she gives me a biscuit.

    During Australia's last tour of South Africa it was rumoured that Daryll Cullinan had been consulting a psychologist to exorcise the demons that appeared whenever Warne removed his hat. No sooner had Cullinan arrived at the crease than Warne snarled: "I'm going to send you straight back to your shrink."

    Ian Healy once became frustrated with an overweight batsman from a South African provincial side who seemed not the least interested in scoring runs. Eventually Healy called to the bowler: "Why don't we put a Mars bar on a good length to see if we can lure him out of his crease?"

    An English county bowler was having surprising success against the great West Indian Viv Richards, who'd played and missed at several balls. Foolishly, the bowler piped up: "Hey Viv, it's red and it's round." A steaming Richards cracked the next ball into another postcode and told the bowler: "You know what it looks like, man - go fetch it."

    Merv Hughes was being Merv, aiming constant abuse at English batsman Robin Smith. But having been told that he "couldn't bat to save his f**king life," Smith smashed a four, walked down the pitch and said: "Make a good pair, don't we? I can't f*cking bat and you can't f*cking bowl."

    Sledging can be plain amusing. It's unlikely Merv Hughes was thinking tactically when he told a struggling English batsmen: "I'll bowl you a f*cking piano, ya Pommie pooftah. Let's see if you can play that."

    During a WSC final at the SCG where the game had been shortened due to rain and the atmosphere was running at about 95% humidity a very exhausted Arjuna Ranatunga appealed that he had "sprained" something. He duly asked the umpire for a runner. As clear as a bell through the effects mic you heard Healey's legendary reply "you don't get a runner for being an overweight, unfit, fat c*nt".

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