retirement plan

  1. 113 Posts.
    Here is my plan: I'm checking into the Holiday Inn.
    With the average cost for a nursing home reaching $188 per day, there is
    a better way when we get old and feeble. I have already checked on
    reservations at the Holiday Inn. For a combined long-term stay discount
    and senior discount, it's $49.23 per night. That leaves $138.77 a day
    for breakfast, lunch, dinner in any restaurant I want, or room service.
    It also will leave enough for laundry, gratuities, and special TV
    Plus, I'll get a swimming pool, a workout room, a lounge, and washer and
    dryer. I'll also get free toothpaste, razors, shampoo and soap. And I'll
    be treated like a customer, not a patient. Five dollars worth of tips a
    day will have the entire staff scrambling.
    There is a city bus stop out front, and seniors ride free. The handicap
    bus will also pick me up if I fake a decent limp. Ride the church bus
    free on Sundays. For a change of scenery, take the airport shuttle bus
    and eat at one of the nice restaurants there. While you're at the
    airport, fly somewhere.
    Meanwhile, the cash keeps building up.
    It takes months to get into decent nursing homes. On the other hand,
    Holiday Inn will take your reservation today. And you are not stuck in
    one place forever -- you can move from Inn to Inn, or even from city to
    Want to see Hawaii? They have a Holiday Inn there, too. TV broken? Light
    bulbs need changing? Need a mattress replaced? No problem. They fix
    everything and apologize for the inconvenience.
    The Inn has a night security person and daily room service. The maid
    checks if you are OK. If not, they will call the undertaker or an
    ambulance. If you fall and break a hip, Medicare will pay for the hip,
    and Holiday Inn will upgrade you to a suite for the rest of your life.
    And no worries about visits from family. They will always be glad to
    visit you, and probably check in for a mini-vacation. The grandkids can
    use the pool.
    What more can you ask for?
    When I discussed my plan with friends, they came up with even more
    benefits that Holiday Inn provides retirees. Most standard rooms have
    coffee makers, reclining chairs, and satellite TV -- all you need to
    enjoy a cozy afternoon. After a movie and a good nap, you can check on
    your children (free local phone calls), then take a stroll to the lounge
    or restaurant where you meet new and exotic people every day. Many
    Holiday Inns even feature live entertainment on the weekends. Often they
    have special offers, too, like the Kids Eat Free program. You can invite
    your grandkids over after school to have a free dinner with you. Just
    tell them not to bring more than three friends.
    Pick a Holiday Inn where they allow pets, and your best friend can keep
    you company as well. If you want to travel, but are a bit skittish about
    unfamiliar surroundings, you'll always feel at home because wherever you
    go, the rooms all look the same. And if you're getting a little
    absent-minded in your old days, you never have to worry about not
    finding your room -- your electronic key fits only one door and the
    helpful bellman or desk clerk is on duty 24/7.
    Being natural skeptics, we called a Holiday Inn to check out the
    feasibility of my plan. I'm happy to report that they were positively
    giddy at the idea of us checking in for a year or more. They even
    offered to negotiate the rate. We could have easily knocked them down to
    $40 a night!

    "So, when I reach the golden age I'll face it with a grin.

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