REAL ESTATE TERMS

  1. 5,769 Posts.
    It would seem that no other business relies on the dramatical use of adjectives more than real estate sales. Here is a list of colorful descriptions to avoid:

    Unusual location:- In the path of a projected motorway.
    Local authority grants available:- About to be condemned.
    Period residence:- Built in the last two years.
    Select neighborhood:- Beside sewage works.
    Compact:- Tiny.
    Country gentleman's residence:- No longer suitable for agricultural tenants.
    Unusual features:- No roof.
    Delightful rural location:- In flight path of nuclear bomber base.
    Box room:- Suitable for accommodating one or two large cardboard box's, Folded.
    A wealth of period features:-Yourself, dry rot, rising damp and an electrical circuit best operated in rubber gloves and wellies.
    Quite, secluded setting:- On site of proposed dormitory town.
    Well situated:- In full view of the neighbors.
    Within easy distance of:- Next door to a pub and opposite a sex shop local amenities.
    Rare opportunity to buy:- No one else want's it.
    For the gardening enthusiast:- Grounds like a jungle.
    Extensively modernized:- Former DIY owner had a breakdown under the strain.
    Unspoilt:- Planning permission granted for field next door.
    Deceptive appearance:- It looks terrible.
    Partial central heating:- The room above the boiler can get warm in summer.
    Easily maintained:- Requires at least two gardeners and live-in maid.
    Useful outbuildings:- No inside toilet.
    Much sought after:- It's been on the market at least twice before and still no one wants it.
    By private treaty:- If it went to auction it would never reach the reserve price.
    Owner eager to sell:- If it goes within a week the subsidence cracks won't be noticed.
    Subject to new instructions:- They have just discovered death watch beetle.
    Sold: - Unless idiots like you offer a higher price.
 
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