1. 5,280 Posts.
    Paddy, the electrician, got sacked from the USA prison service for not servicing the electric chair.
    He said in his professional opinion it was a death trap!

    Murphy, the Irish husband of the woman whose head was found on Arbroath beach, was asked to identify her.
    A detective held up the head at which point Murphy said, “I don’t think that’s her, she wasn’t that tall!”

    Paddy and his wife are lying in bed and the neighbour’s dog is barking like mad in the garden.
    Paddy says, “To hell with this!” and storms off.
    He comes back upstairs five minutes later and his wife asks, “What did you do?”
    Paddy replies, “I’ve put the dog in our garden. Let’s see how they like it!”

    Murphy says to Paddy, “What ya talkin’ to an envelope for?”
    “I’m sending a voicemail, ya thick sod!”

    Paddy and Murphy decided to swap partners for the night.
    After three hours of amazing sex, Paddy says, “I wonder how the girls are getting on.”
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