open letter to anz execs. opes business model

  1. 165 Posts.
    This is an open letter to all ANZ executives,

    Dear Sirs,

    The whole Opes Prime arrangement has given me an idea for a new business which I am hoping ANZ will fund. Essentially I am going to start up a carpark in Collins St, Melbourne located near all the hot shot lawf irms. Of course there will be the standard Terms and Conditions allcustomers who will want to park their cars in my carpark will have to sign, but not to worry it's fairly standard. However buried on page 12 of the 32 page document will be a clause requiring you to hand over beneficial ownership of your motor vehicle while you have your car parked in my car park and I will actually not add that clause into the document until most people have signed up.
    That is of course to protect me, and most importantly my financier (hopefully ANZ) from customers defaulting on their $15 a day parking fees...or so I will lead them to believe. And to get a better deal I will pool of the collateral in one nice and easy package for ANZ so I can get a better deal from the bank (yippee for me!). But this is the best bit, and is why my business will be a winner - customers will beable drop off their old BMW M Series and drive away with a brand new Ferrari 599! (on loan of course) Great isn't it! At the start however Iwill only offer this deal to my mates, who to to perfectly honest, aren't the best drivers, but you know....what's the worst that can happen? If by some bizarre stroke of misfortune someone writes off one of my loan cars I will immediately have to go into liquidation and unfortunately start selling all of the cars in the parking lot even though most of the customers were simply parking their cars there and not using my special loan cars. However my financier will probably be the one doing the selling as I will have gone to ground by then and they will have appointed receivers. But I'm sure they will be able to achieve fair value for the cars or have mates who will give them a couple of grand to take them off their hands. Gee I bet the customers will be p1ssed....but at least we won't be at risk.
    So what do you think, are we in business? Of course I will not be able to contribute any capital myself as you....ahhh....sort of cleaned me out but you must have a few lazy 100 million lying around.

    Yours Sincerly
    Opes Prime Victim
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