old jokes

  1. 2,099 Posts.
    Just some old jokes


    • Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards.
      One day they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, "Now don't get mad at me.....I know we've been friends for a long time.....but I just can't think of your name! I've thought and thought, but I can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is."Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes she just stared and glared at her. Finally she said, "How soon do you need to know?"

    • Two elderly women were eating at a restaurant one morning. Ethel noticed something funny about Mabel's ear and she said, "Mabel, did you know you've got a suppository in your left ear?"
      Mabel answered, "I have? A suppository?" She pulled it out & stared at it.
      Then she said, "Ethel, I'm glad you saw this thing. Now I think I know where my hearing aid is."."

    • An elderly couple were on a cruise and it was really stormy. They were standing on the stern of the boat watching the moon, when a wave came up and washed
      the old woman overboard.
      They searched for days and couldn't find her, so the captain sent the old man back to shore with the promise that he would notify him as soon as they found
      something.
      Three weeks went by and finally the old man got a fax from the boat. It read: "Sir, sorry to inform you, we found your wife dead at the bottom of the ocean. We hauled her up to the deck and attached to her butt was an oyster and in it was a pearl worth $50,000 .. . please advise" The old man faxed back: "Send me the pearl and re-bait the trap"

    • When I went to lunch today, I noticed an old lady sitting on a park bench sobbing her eyes out. I stopped and asked her what was wrong. She said, "I have a 22 year old husband at home. He makes love to me every morning and then gets up and makes me pancakes, sausage, fresh fruit and freshly ground coffee."I said, "Well, then why are you crying?"
      She said, "He makes me homemade soup for lunch and my favorite brownies and then makes love to me for half the afternoon." I said, "Well, why are you crying?"
      She said, "For dinner he makes me a gourmet meal with wine and my favorite dessert and then makes love to me until 2:00 a.m. I said, "Well, why in the world would you be crying?"
      She said, "I can't remember where I live!"










 
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