morning pre market giggle

>
> 1. Two vultures board an airplane, each carrying two dead raccoons The
> stewardess looks at them and says, "I'm sorry, gentlemen, only one carrion
> allowed per passenger."
>
> 2. Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood and
> became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and
> never amounted to much - he became known as the lesser of two weevils.
>
> 3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so lit a fire in the craft.
> Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak
> and heat it too.
>
> 4. A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to
> the bar and announces: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
>
> 5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocaine during a root
> canal? He wanted to transcend dental medication.
>
> 6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in
> the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an
hour,
> the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?"
> they asked, as they moved off. Because," he said, "I can't stand
chess-nuts
> boasting in an open foyer."
>
> 7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a
> family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in
> Spain, they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself
to
> his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that
she
> wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're
> twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."
>
> 8. These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a
> small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers
> from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition
> was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not.
> He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the
> rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug
> in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed
> their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified,
> they did so, thereby proving that Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist
> friars.
>
> 9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which
> produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very
> little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered
> from bad breath. This made him ...(Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good)...A
> super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
>
> 10. And finally, there was the person who sent ten different puns to
> her friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them
> laugh.
> No pun in ten did.
>
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