morning pre market giggle

  1. 17,050 Posts.
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    >
    > 1. Two vultures board an airplane, each carrying two dead raccoons The
    > stewardess looks at them and says, "I'm sorry, gentlemen, only one carrion
    > allowed per passenger."
    >
    > 2. Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood and
    > became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and
    > never amounted to much - he became known as the lesser of two weevils.
    >
    > 3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so lit a fire in the craft.
    > Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak
    > and heat it too.
    >
    > 4. A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to
    > the bar and announces: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
    >
    > 5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocaine during a root
    > canal? He wanted to transcend dental medication.
    >
    > 6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in
    > the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an
    hour,
    > the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?"
    > they asked, as they moved off. Because," he said, "I can't stand
    chess-nuts
    > boasting in an open foyer."
    >
    > 7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a
    > family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in
    > Spain, they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself
    to
    > his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that
    she
    > wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're
    > twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."
    >
    > 8. These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a
    > small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers
    > from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition
    > was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not.
    > He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the
    > rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug
    > in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed
    > their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified,
    > they did so, thereby proving that Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist
    > friars.
    >
    > 9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which
    > produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very
    > little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered
    > from bad breath. This made him ...(Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good)...A
    > super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
    >
    > 10. And finally, there was the person who sent ten different puns to
    > her friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them
    > laugh.
    > No pun in ten did.
    >
    >
    >
    >
 
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