> > 1. Two vultures board an airplane, each carrying two dead raccoons The > stewardess looks at them and says, "I'm sorry, gentlemen, only one carrion > allowed per passenger." > > 2. Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood and > became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and > never amounted to much - he became known as the lesser of two weevils. > > 3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so lit a fire in the craft. > Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak > and heat it too. > > 4. A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to > the bar and announces: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw." > > 5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocaine during a root > canal? He wanted to transcend dental medication. > > 6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in > the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, > the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" > they asked, as they moved off. Because," he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts > boasting in an open foyer." > > 7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a > family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in > Spain, they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to > his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she > wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're > twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal." > > 8. These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a > small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers > from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition > was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. > He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the > rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug > in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed > their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, > they did so, thereby proving that Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist > friars. > > 9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which > produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very > little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered > from bad breath. This made him ...(Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good)...A > super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis. > > 10. And finally, there was the person who sent ten different puns to > her friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them > laugh. > No pun in ten did. > > > >