monday funnies

  1. 2,092 Posts.
    Subject: Reasons not to mess with today's kid:

    I wish I was as smart as some of these kids!

    Reasons not to mess with today's kid:

    A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said
    it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human becauseeven
    though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small. The little
    girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
    Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a
    human; it was physically impossible. The little girl said, "When I get
    to heaven I will ask Jonah". The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to
    hell?" The little girl replied, "Then you ask him".


    A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while
    they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each
    child's work. As she got to one little girl who was working diligently,
    she asked what the drawing was. The girl replied, "I'm drawing God." The
    teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like."
    Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl
    replied, "They will in a minute."


    A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her
    five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to "honor" thy
    Father and thy Mother, she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches
    us how to treat our brothers and sisters?" Without missing a beat one
    little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, "Thou shall not kill."


    One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes
    at he kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother has several
    strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head. She
    looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of your
    hairs white, Mom?" Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do
    something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns
    white." The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and
    then said, "Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?"


    The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to
    persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture. "Just think how
    nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say,
    'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a doctor.'
    A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the
    teacher, She's dead."


    A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to
    make the matter clearer, she said, "Now, class, if I stood on my head,
    the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the
    face."Yes," the class said. "Then why is it that while I am standing
    upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?" A
    little fellow shouted, "Cause your feet ain't empty."


    The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary
    school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples.
    The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: "Take only ONE. God
    is watching.
    "Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was
    a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note,
    "Take all you want. God is watching the apples".

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