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    Size matters, say Conservatives, in bawdy poke at Paul Martin

    Wed Oct 13, 6:23 PM ET

    OTTAWA (CP) - For Conservatives, apparently size does matter - at least when it comes to politics.

    Tory MP Rahim Jaffer parlayed reports of a government-funded documentary about penises into some bawdy humour about the size of Paul Martin's caucus Wednesday. The Liberals lost three-dozen MPs in the June federal election and Jaffer joked that thoughts of their lost majority might leave Martin with caucus-envy.

    "Not only frustrated by having such a small caucus for a governing party, the prime minister suffers the humiliation of having a smaller caucus than his predecessor, Jean Chretien," the Edmonton MP deadpanned.

    "The prime minister is distraught over the fact that he could not elect a majority. Worse, Jean Chretien, a man older than he, brags that he did it three times."

    Jaffer's phallic monologue began with a reference to a Toronto film company that used classified ads to search for "the perfect penis."

    The project received three separate grants totalling over $133,000 from the Canadian Television Fund.

    Jaffer wondered aloud why the government would fund such a project.

    He eventually offered Martin an unsolicited piece of advice about governing with a shrunken caucus.

    "To avoid a crisis, we would recommend that the prime minister stop popping Velotrin (a penis-enlargement pill sold over the Internet) and just accept what he has - a minority."
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