jUST FEW

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    The wife's back on the warpath again. She was up for making a sex movie last night, and all I did was suggest we should hold auditions for her part.I've accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles. My next visit to the toilet could spell disaster.After both suffering from depression for a while, me and the wife were going to commit suicide yesterday. But strangely enough, once she killed herself, I started to feel a lot better. So I thought, "Screw it, soldier on!"I woke up this morning at 8, and could sense something was wrong. I got downstairs and found the wife face down on the kitchen floor, not breathing!I panicked. I didn't know what to do. Then I remembered McDonald's serves breakfast until 11:30.Bought the missus a hamster skin coat last week. Took her to the fair last night, and it took me 3 hours to get her off the Ferris wheel.The other night, my wife asked me how many women I'd slept with. I told her, "Only you. All the others kept me awake all night!"My missus packed my bags, and as I walked out the front door, she screamed, "I wish you a slow and painful death, you bastard!""Oh," I replied, "so now you want me to stay!"


 
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