IF QANTAS SOLD PAINT

  1. Yak
    13,672 Posts.

    >IF QANTAS SOLD PAINT
    >
    >Firstly, typical conversation from ordinary hardware store that sells paint:
    >Customer: Hi. How much is your paint?
    >
    >Clerk: We have regular quality paint for $18 a litre and premium
    >paint for $25. How many litres would you like?
    >
    >Customer: Five litres of regular paint please.
    >
    >Clerk: Great. That will be $90 plus GST.
    >
    >
    >Now, imagine you are buying paint from Qantas. First you try
    >reaching them by phone to ask if they have paint.
    >All you get is music on hold, so you drive to a Qantas store.
    >
    >Customer: Hi. How much is your paint?
    >
    >Clerk: Well, sir, that all depends on quite a lot of things.
    >
    >Customer: Can you give me a guess? Is there an average price?
    >
    >Clerk: Our lowest price is $12 a litre, and we have 60 different
    >prices up to $200 a litre.
    >
    >Customer: What's the difference in the paint?
    >
    >Clerk: Oh, there isn't any difference; it's all the same paint.
    >
    >Customer: Well, then I'd like some of that $12 paint.
    >
    >Clerk: When do you intend to use the paint?
    >
    >Customer: I want to paint tomorrow. It's my day off.
    >
    >Clerk: Sir, the paint for tomorrow is the $200 paint.
    >
    >Customer: When would I have to paint to get the $12 paint?
    >
    >Clerk: You would have to start very late at night in about 3 weeks.
    >But you will have to agree to start painting before
    >Friday of that week and continue painting until at least Sunday.
    >
    >Customer: You've got to be kidding!
    >
    >Clerk: I'll check and see if we have any paint available.
    >
    >Customer: You have shelves FULL of paint! I can see it!
    >
    >Clerk: But it doesn't mean that we have paint available. We sell
    >only ascertain number of litres on any given weekend.
    >Oh, and by the way, the price per litre just went to $16. We don't
    >have any more $12 paint.
    >
    >Customer: The price went up as we were talking?
    >
    >Clerk: Yes, sir. We change the prices and rules hundreds of times
    >day, and since you haven't actually walked out of the
    >store with your paint yet, we just decided to change. I suggest you
    >purchase your paint as soon as possible. How many
    >litres do you want?
    >
    >Customer: Well, maybe five litres. Make that six, so I'll have enough.
    >
    >Clerk: Oh no, sir, you can't do that. If you buy paint and don't use
    >it, there are penalties and possible confiscation of
    >the paint you already have.
    >
    >Customer: WHAT?
    >
    >Clerk: We can sell enough paint to do your kitchen, bathroom, hall
    >and north bedroom, but if you stop painting before
    >you do the bedroom, you will lose your remaining litres of paint.
    >
    >Customer: What does it matter whether I use all the paint? I already
    >paid you for it!
    >
    >Clerk: We make plans based upon the idea that all our paint is used,
    >every drop. If you don't, it causes us all sorts of
    >problems.
    >
    >Customer: This is crazy!! I suppose something terrible happens if I
    >don't keep painting until after Saturday night!
    >
    >Clerk: Oh yes! Every litre you bought automatically becomes the $200 paint.
    >
    >Customer: But what are all these "Paint on sale from $10 a litre" signs?
    >
    >Clerk: Well, that's for our budget paint. It only comes in
    >half-litres. One $5 half-litre will do half a room. The second
    >half-litre to complete the room is $20. None of the cans have
    >labels, some are empty and there are no refunds, even on
    >the empty Cans.
    >
    >Customer: To hell with this! I'll buy what I need somewhere else!
    >
    >Clerk: I don't think so, sir. You may be able to buy paint for your
    >bathroom and bedrooms, and your kitchen and dining
    >room from someone else, but you won't be able to paint your
    >connecting hall and stairway from anyone but us. And I
    >should point out sir, that if you paint in only one direction, it
    >will be $300 a litre.
    >
    >Customer: I thought your most expensive paint was $200!
    >
    >Clerk: That's if you paint around the room to the point at which you
    >started. A hallway is different.
    >
    >Customer: And if I buy $200 paint for the hall, but only paint in
    >one direction, you'll confiscate the remaining paint.
    >
    >Clerk: No, we'll charge you an extra use fee plus the difference on
    >your next litre of paint. But I believe you're
    >getting it now, sir.
    >
    >Customer: You're insane!
    >
    >Clerk: But we're now THIS COUNTRY'S only paint supplier! so don't go
    >looking for bargains! Thanks for painting
    >with Qantas.
 
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