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Hotcoppers New Religious Forum

  1. madmacs

    25,374 Posts.
    Jesus is Watching You
    A burglar found a prime neighborhood with nice houses and lots of older people who would be gone to Florida for the winter. He watches a particular house for several days before deciding that it would be safe to hit. It was pitch black inside as he made his way through the kitchen, then the dining room and into the den where he expected to find the things he wanted to steal.

    "I see you and Jesus sees you," a voice said.

    The burglar froze in his tracks. Then he heard it again, "I see you and Jesus sees you."

    When nothing more happened, the burglar took out his flashlight and shinned it in the direction of the voice. All he saw was a parrot on its perch. "I see you and Jesus sees you." the Parrot said.

    The burglar laughed.

    "Just a dumb bird," he said.

    The Parrot nodded towards the floor and responded, "I am a dumb parrot, Jesus is a Doberman pincher."


    Computer Savy
    Jesus and Satan were having an ongoing argument about who was better on his computer. They had been going at it for days, and God was tired of hearing all the bickering.

    Finally, God said, "Cool it. I am going to set up a test which will take two hours and I will judge who does the better job."

    So Satan and Jesus sat down at the keyboards and typed away.

    They moused.

    They did spreadsheets.

    They wrote reports.

    They sent faxes.

    They sent e-mail.

    They sent out e-mail with attachments.

    They downloaded.

    They did some genealogy reports.

    They made cards.

    They did every known job. But, ten minutes before the time was up, lightning suddenly flashed across the sky, thunder rolled, the rain poured and, of course, the electricity went off.

    Satan stared at his blank screen and screamed every curse word known to man.

    Jesus just sighed.

    The electricity finally flickered back on, and each of them restarted computers.

    Satan started searching frantically screaming, "It's gone! It's all gone! I lost everything when the power went out!"

    Meanwhile, Jesus quietly started printing out all his files from the past 2 hours. Satan observed this and became even more irate.

    "Wait! He cheated! How did he do it?"

    God shrugged and said, "Jesus Saves!"

    A new monk arrives at the monastery. He is assigned to help the other monks in copying the old texts by hand. He notices, however, that they are copying copies, not the original books. So, the new monk goes to the head monk to ask him about this. He points out that if there is an error in the first copy, that error will be continued in all of the other copies. The head monk says "We have been copying from the copies for centuries, but you make a good point, my son." So, he goes down into the cellar with one of the copies to check it against the original. Hours later, nobody has seen him. So, one of the monks goes downstairs to look for him. He hears a sobbing coming from the back of the cellar, and finds the old monk leaning over one of the original books crying. He asks, "What was wrong?" "The word is celebrate," answers the old monk.


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