Getting Older

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    A distraught senior citizen
    phoned her doctor's office.
    "Is it true," she wanted to know,
    "that the medication
    you prescribed has to be taken
    for the rest of my life?"
    "'Yes, I'm afraid so,"' the doctor told her.
    There was a moment of silence
    before the senior lady replied,
    "I'm wondering, then,
    just how serious is my condition
    because this prescription is marked
    'NO REFILLS'.."

    An older gentleman was
    on the operating table
    awaiting surgery
    and he insisted that his son,
    a renowned surgeon,
    perform the operation.
    As he was about to get the anesthesia,
    he asked to speak to his son.
    "Yes, Dad , what is it?"
    "Don't be nervous, son;
    do your best,
    and just remember,
    if it doesn't go well,
    if something happens to me,
    your mother
    is going to come and
    live with you and your wife...."

    (I LOVE IT!)
    Eventually you will reach a point
    when you stop lying about your age
    and start bragging about it. This is so true. I love
    to hear them say "you don't look that old."

    The older we get,
    the fewer things
    seem worth waiting in line for.

    Some people
    try to turn back their odometers.
    Not me!
    I want people to know why
    I look this way.
    I've traveled a long way
    and some of the roads weren't paved.

    When you are dissatisfied
    and would like to go back to youth,
    think of Algebra.

    One of the many things
    no one tells you about aging
    is that it is such a nice change
    from being young.

    Ah, being young is beautiful,
    but being old is comfortable.
    First you forget names,
    then you forget faces.
    Then you forget to pull up your zipper...
    it's worse when
    you forget to pull it down.

    Two guys, one old, one young,
    are pushing their carts aroundWal-Mart

    when they collide.
    The old guy says to the young guy,
    "Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife,
    and I guess I wasn't paying attention
    to where I was going."
    The young guy says, "That's OK, it's a coincidence.
    I'm looking for my wife, too...
    I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate."
    The old guy says, "Well,
    maybe I can help you find her...
    what does she look like?"
    The young guy says,
    "Well, she is 27 yrs. old,tall,
    with red hair,
    blue eyes, is buxom...wearing no bra,
    long legs,
    and is wearing short shorts.
    What does your wife look like?'
    To which the old guy says,"Doesn't matter,
    --- let's look for yours."


    (And this final one especially for me,)
    keep Your arm around my shoulder
    and Your hand over my mouth!"
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