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Friday Humour.

  1. Subject: A laugh a day keeps the doctor away!
    A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her baby in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress, and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed with horror, that there were several cabs, and yes, I was in the wrong one !!

    Dr. Mark M, San Antonio, TX
    * * * * * * * * * * * * *

    At the beginning of my shift, I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. "Big...gg breaths," I instructed. "Yes, .... they used to be," remorsefully replied the patient.

    > Dr. Richard B, Seattle, WA
    * * * * * * * * * * * *

    One day I had to be the bearer of bad news, when I told a wife that her husband, Allan, had just died of a massive myocardial infarct. ... Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a "massive internal fart."

    > Dr. Susan S, Manitoba, Canada
    > * * * * * * * * * * *
    I was performing a complete physical, including the visual acuity test. I placed the patient twenty feet from the chart and began, .."Cover your right eye with your hand." He read the 20/20 line perfectly. "Now your left."
    Again, a flawless read. "Now both," I requested. There was silence. He couldn't even read the large E on the top line.

    I turned and discovered that he had done exactly what I had asked; he was standing there with both his eyes covered. I was laughing too hard to finish the exam.
    Dr. Matthew T, Worcester, MA
    > * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
    During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with one of his new medications. "Which one?" I asked. "The Nitro patch. The nurse told me to put on a fresh one every six hours, and now I'm running out of places to put it!" I had him quickly undress, and discovered what I I hoped I wouldn't see. Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body! ...Now the
    instructions include removal of the old patch, before applying a new one.

    > Dr. Rebecca C, Norfolk, VA
    > * * * * * * * * * * * * *
    While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, "How long
    have you been bedridden?" After a look of complete confusion she answered ..
    "Why, not for about twenty years -- when my husband was alive."
    Dr. Steven S, OR
    > * * * * * * * * * * *
    I was caring for a hospitalised woman from Kentucky. How is your breakfast this morning, I asked?" It's very good, except for this Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste," the patient replied. I then asked to see the jelly, and the woman produced a foil packet, labelled "KY Jelly."
    Dr. Leonard K, Detroit, MI
    > * * * * * * * * * * * * *
    > And Finally . . . . .
    > A new, young MD doing his residency in OB was quite embarrassed performing
    > female pelvic exams. To cover his embarrassment, he had unconsciously
    > formed a habit of whistling softly. The middle aged lady upon whom he was
    > performing this exam, suddenly burst out laughing and further embarrassed
    > him. He looked up from his work and sheepishly said, "I'm sorry. Was I
    > tickling you?" She replied, "No doctor, but the song you were whistling
    was 'I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener'."

    ... Juliette :)

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