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Free Ham

  1. madmacs

    25,374 Posts.
    Its as good as free Beer to a Bum like me.?

    A Jewish man, a Roman Catholic man, and a Mormon man were chatting one day and the subject of family size came up. The Jewish man said, "My wife just gave birth, now I have enough for a basketball team."

    The Roman Catholic responded, "With the recent addition to our family I now have enough for a baseball team!"

    To which the Mormon man retorted, "When I marry my next wife I'll have enough for a golf course."

    Sam and John were out cutting wood, and John cut his arm off. Sam wrapped the arm in a plastic bag and took it and John to a surgeon. The surgeon said, "You're in luck! I'm an expert at reattaching limbs! Come back in four hours." So Sam came back in four hours and the surgeon said, "I got done faster than I expected to. John is down at the local pub." Sam went to the pub and saw John throwing darts.

    A few weeks later, Sam and John were out again, and John cut his leg off. Sam put the leg in a plastic bag and took it and John back to the surgeon. The surgeon said, "Legs are a little tougher - come back in six hours." Sam returned in six hours and the surgeon said, "I finished early - John's down at the soccer field." Sam went to the soccer field and there was John, kicking goals.

    A few weeks later, John had a terrible accident and cut his head off. Sam put the head in a plastic bag and took it and the rest of John to the surgeon. The surgeon said, "Gee, heads are really tough. Come back in twelve hours." So Sam returned in twelve hours and the surgeon said, "I'm sorry, John died." Sam said, "I understand - heads are tough." The surgeon said, "Oh, no! The surgery went fine! John suffocated in that plastic bag!"

    and finally another racist joke.......its ok though
    ... it all comes out all right in the end.

    [Ed: a JEDR (Jedder) is a Joke Ethnic/Denomination/Race. It is substituted for any specific identifiable group to avoid offence.]

    Your basic virgin female was all set to get married to a virile JEDR, when her mother took her aside for a little pre-nuptial advice.

    "Dear, I know you love this man," the mother began. "And we've tried to welcome him into our family. But there is something you must know. These JEDRs like to make love in a disgusting way, so if he ever asks you to turn over before making love, DON'T do it. It's degrading and painful, and it will ruin your marriage."

    So the wedding is fine. The happy couple enjoys their first month of marital bliss, when one night, the JEDR says to his wife, "Honey, let's try making love a little differently tonight. Why don't you roll over?"

    The woman loses it. "You brute," she sobs. "My mother warned me about you JEDRs, I can't believe you would do this to me."

    "But honey," the startled JEDR replies. "I just thought you might want to have children."

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