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Clinton in Hell

  1. One day in the future, Bill Clinton has a heart attack and dies.
    He immediately goes to hell, where the devil is waiting for
    him. “I don’t know what to do here,” says the devil. “You are
    on my list, but I have no room at the moment.. You definitely
    have to stay here, so I’ll tell you what I’m going to do. I’ve got
    a few folks here who weren’t quite as bad as you. I’ll let one
    of them go, and you will have to take their place. I’ll even let
    you decide who leaves.”

    Clinton thought that sounded really good, so the devil opened
    the first room. In it was Ted Kennedy and a large pool of
    water. He kept diving in and surfacing empty handed. Over
    and over and over. Such was his fate in hell. “No,” Bill said.
    “I don’t think so. I’m not a good swimmer and I don’t think I
    could do that all day long.”

    The devil led him to the next room. In it was Newt Gingrich with
    a sledge hammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was
    swing that hammer, time after time after time. “No, I’ve got this
    problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all I
    could do was break rocks all day,” commented Bill.

    The devil opened a third door. In it, Clinton saw Jesse
    Jackson, lying on the floor with his arms staked over his head,
    and his legs staked in a spread eagle pose. Bent over him
    was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best. Clinton took
    this in disbelief and finally said, “Yea, I can handle this.” The
    devil smiled and said “OK, Monica, you’re free to go.”

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