citizenship application questions?

  1. 1,799 Posts.

    Some of my questions on the citizenship application would include .....

    Do you like bikinis?
    Do you like music?
    Do you like dancing?
    Do you like pommy cricketers?
    Perhaps other posters here may like to add some more .... but read this from Emma and enjoy.

    Equipped with skimpy outfits and not afraid to use them
    July 27, 2005

    AS British police weather criticism of their controversial shoot-to-kill policy, morals campaigners have demanded that women's dress-to-kill strategies face similar scrutiny.

    "For too long, young ladies have strutted about the place in take-me-now twin sets, slutty stilettos and highly explosive undergarments," concerned Christian Flo Bloomers told The Australian yesterday.

    "These garments have the power not only to kill but to maim and permanently scar. Only yesterday I saw a male pedestrian collide violently with a telegraph pole after he turned to observe a female cyclist wearing something unforgivably clingy in black lycra. Perhaps this young woman was dressed to concuss rather than to execute, but clearly the power of these gung-ho hussies needs to be nipped in the bud before anyone else gets hurt."

    Risque dresser Sonya Thighs rejects Bloomers as being out of touch with the dog-eat-dog world of 21st-century dating. But the Melbourne fishnet stockings fan does admit she owns a couple of killer outfits. "I've got one nasty little satin number that's a real slayer," Thighs says. "And my knee-high snakeskin boots are absolutely lethal. I'm the first to admit ownership should probably require a background check and licence."

    Thighs claims she makes every effort to use her sex-kitten clothing responsibly and humanely. "It's not like I go out to a bar and neutralise every punter in the joint," she says. "I choose my targets carefully. And desperate times call for desperate measures. Maybe there used to be a time when you could immobilise a potential sexual partner by dressing to stun, but these days you've got to go straight for the kill shot."

    Bloomers's response is that misfires are inevitable and innocent bystanders undoubtedly will be slaughtered by Thighs's deadly arsenal of denim micro-skirts.

    "Happily married men, God-fearing Bible students, lonely Australian cricketers ... If they're in the wrong place at the wrong time, they could easily become collateral damage," she says. "And their deaths won't always be quick ones either. I've seen gentlemen writhe in agony for hours before finally succumbing to the mutually assured destruction of a lacy push-up brassiere."

    Clothing manufacturers have responded defensively, saying slinky little black dresses don't kill people; loose, bar-hopping man-eaters do. Industry insiders, however, make the bold suggestion that perhaps men are also a teensy weensy bit responsible for fashion-related fatalities.

    "Take that guy who walked into the telegraph pole," says one designer. "Couldn't he have overridden his urge to ogle and turned away from that chick on the bike? Even if it was only until he reached obstacle-free terrain?"

    But Bloomers insists the guilty parties are definitely female. "It's a scientific fact that men experience uncontrollable inclinations when exposed to skimpy garments," she says. "The only way to maintain social equilibrium is for women to wear modest attire such as long granny skirts made out of hessian or leftover bits of army tarpaulin. I'm pretty sure there's a mention of these items in the Bible."

    Intriguingly, the ultra-religious Bloomers has been joined in her campaign by hardline atheist feminists who claim the sisterhood can only benefit from rejecting oppressive slit skirts and misogynist G-string swimwear. "Our position is simple," says one. "Any woman who feels the need to get about in fancy-pants clothing is a sex slave to the patriarchy and should be forcibly fitted out with a boiler suit and a buzz cut at once."

    Now that's liberation.

    Another unlikely ally comes in the form of fundamentalist Muslims, who agree it will be safer for everyone if modern women reject dressing to kill in favour of dressing to bore and dressing to induce a coma, perhaps via some handy burkas.

    But Thighs will have none of it. Flaunting what can only be described as a bulgiferous cleavage over a scarlet boob tube, she says she has no plans to scale down her wardrobe armoury any time soon. "Apparently educated women of a certain age are more likely to be blown up by terrorists than they are to find a decent relationship," she says. "Until the odds are more in my favour, I'm going to stick to the big guns. Also, hessian just isn't my fabric."

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