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    Things always have a way of going badly for me.

    I tried to use pins on a voodoo doll that looks like my mother in law and I ended up curing her arthritis with acupuncture.

    A business man is about to leave for a week-long trip and is worried his wife will chest on him.

    A business man is about to leave for a week-long business trip and is particularly concerned that his flirtatious wife may cheat on him. He decided he wanted to purchase a sex toy for her to keep her occupied while he was gone. He walks into a sex toy shop and looks around for a bit before heading to the counter.

    Business Man: "I'm trying to find the perfect toy for my wife, do you have any suggestions?"
    Store Owner: "We have a large assortment of dildos and vibrators in many shapes and colors."

    The business man looks around a bit and asks: "These are all great and all.. but my wife is the adventurous type.. I don't think these will please her.. Surely she will chest on me while I'm gone. "

    The attendant feeling a bit of sentiment to the man's problem suggests something out of the ordinary.

    Store Owner: "Sir, I do have something that may help. It is very expensive and it is the only one of its kind."

    The store owner retreats to the back room and emerges minutes later with an old box. He reluctantly sets it on the counter and exclaims "This is very special".

    The business man opens the box to reveal an ordinary looking dildo with tribal designs.

    Buisness Man: "This just looks like a regular old dildo.."
    Store Owner: "You haven't seen the best part!"

    "Voodoo Dick the door!"

    And the dildo flew across the room and began f*ing the door.

    The business man was pleased and purchased the item.

    The man presented the gift to his wife and explained how it worked. She didn't believe him, but tickled his fancy anyways.

    "Voodoo dick my pussy!" She said sarcasticly.

    The dildo flew out of the box and into her box and pleased her with many orgasms.

    "How do I turn it off?" said his wife. The man panicked- "He never told me how!"

    The wife is in immense pain and so they decide to rush to the hospital to remove the voodoo dick. On the way, they get pulled over.

    Cop: "Sir, do you realize why I pulled you over?"
    Business Man: "Officer, my wife has a voodoo dick in her and it won't stop f*ing her."

    The cop chuckles in disbelief.. "Hah, Voodoo dick my ass!"
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