Bessie & Jolly Roger

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    Clyde, a farmer in Tasmania, decided his injuries from the accident were
    serious enough to take the transport company (responsible for the
    accident) to court.

    In court the trucking company's fancy lawyer was questioning Clyde.

    "Didn't you say at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine?'" asked the
    lawyer.

    Clyde responded, "Well, I'll tell you what happened. I had just loaded
    my favorite goat Bessie into the..."

    "I didn't ask for any details," the lawyer interrupted, "just answer the
    question. Did you or did you not say 'I'm fine' at the scene of the
    accident?"

    Clyde said, "Well, yes, but I had just got Bessie into the trailer and I
    was driving down the road..."

    The lawyer interrupted again and said, "Judge, I am trying to establish
    the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the traffic
    patrolman on the scene that he was just fine. Now several weeks after
    the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud.
    Please tell him to simply answer the question."

    By this time the Judge was fairly interested in Clyde's answer and said
    to the lawyer, "I'd like to hear what he has to say about his favorite
    goat, Bessie."

    Clyde thanked the Judge and proceeded, "Well, like I was saying, I had
    just loaded Bessie, my favorite goat, into the trailer and was driving
    her down the highway when this huge semi-trailer ran the stop sign and
    smacked my truck right in the side. I was thrown into one ditch and
    Bessie was thrown into the other. I was hurting real bad and didn't
    want to move. However, I could hear ole Bessie moaning and groaning. I
    knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans.

    "About that time a police officer came on the scene. He could hear
    Bessie moaning and groaning so he went over to her.

    "After he looked at her he took out his gun and shot her between the
    eyes.

    "Then the Patrolman came across the road with his gun in his hand and
    looked at me and said, 'And, how are you feeling?'"

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    A pirate was talking to a "land-lubber" in a bar. The land-lubber
    noticed that, like any self-respecting pirate, this guy had a peg leg, a
    hook in place of one of his hands and a patch over one eye.

    The land-lubber just had to find out how the pirate got in such bad
    shape. He asked the pirate, "How did you loose your leg?" The pirate
    responded, "I lost me leg in a battle off the coast of Jamaica!"

    His new acquaintance was still curious so he asked, "What about you
    hand. Did you loos it at the same time?" "No," answered the pirate. "I
    lost it to the sharks off the Florida Keys."

    Finally, the land-lubber asked, "I notice you also have an eye patch.
    How did you loose your eye? The pirate answered, "I was sleeping on a
    beach when a seagull flew over and crapped right in me eye." The
    land-lubber asked, "How could a little seagull crap make you loose your
    eye?" The pirate snapped, "It was the day after I got me hook!"

 
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