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  1. On a tour of New Zealand, the Pope took a couple of days off his itinerary to visit the wild east coast near Gisborne on an impromptu sightseeing trip.

    His 4X4 Popemobile was driving along the golden sands when there was an enormous commotion heard just off the headland. They rushed to see what it was and upon approaching the scene the Pope noticed just outside the surf, a hapless man wearing a green and gold football jersey, struggling frantically to free himself from the jaws of a twenty foot shark.

    At that moment a speedboat containing three men wearing All Black rugby tops roared into view from around the point. Spontaneously, one of the men took aim and fired a harpoon into the shark's ribs, immobilising it instantly. The other two reached out and pulled the Aussie from the water and then, using long clubs, beat the shark to death.

    They bundled the bleeding, semi conscious man into the speed boat along with the dead shark and then prepared for a hasty retreat, when they heard frantic shouting from the shore. It was of course the Pope, and he summoned them to the beach.

    Upon them reaching the shore the Pope went into raptures about the rescue and said, "I give you my blessing for your brave actions. I had heard that there were some racist xenophobic people trying to divide Australia and New Zealand, but, now I have seen with my own eyes this is not true. I can see that your society is a truly enlightened example of racial harmony and could serve as a model on which other nations could follow."

    He blessed them all and drove off in a cloud of dust.

    As he departed, the harpoonist asked the others, "Who was that???!"

    "That," one answered, "was his Holiness the Pope. He is in direct contact with God and has access to all God's wisdom."

    "Well," the harpoonist replied, "he knows f*ck all about shark hunting. How's that bait holding up or do we need to get another one?"

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