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    Just had dinner with an ambo friend. He had me in stitches with some of his stories.
    A female Scottish colleague of his was called to a guy who had abdominal pain.
    She asked him "Show me where your pain is."
    He whipped out his penis.
    He thought she had said "Show me your penis," but obviously had trouble understanding her accent.

    He told me that many men were admitted to hospital with objects stuck up their posterior but most would not tell the truth about how it got there.
    "I was naked and was putting the washing on the line and realised that I had locked myself out of the house. I decided to climb in the kitchen window. Unfortunately, I slipped and fell onto a beer bottle."
    Another guy admitted himself to hospital with a lavatory brush (with a hooked end) stuck up his bum. He drove himself there, with some considerable difficulty I presume. He told the female doctor that he had fallen asleep whilst sitting on the toilet and fell off onto the brush.
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