after we break out the candy

  1. 237 Posts.
    After We Break Out the Candy
    by Beth Goodtree
    Oct 28, '04 / 13 Cheshvan 5765

    After the first 24 hours of celebrations in the civilized world at the death of the most foul creature to infest humanity since Hitler, there will be big problems. The Arabs will blame Israel and the Jews for Yasser Arafat's demise. They will say something to the effect that if it weren't for his isolation in Ramallah, he would still be alive and killing. They will blame his lack of living in obscene luxury and with a nice scenic view for his 'premature' departing.

    Then the killings and chaos will start.

    Definitely look for the Arabs to attack each and every one of the Jews living in Gaza. Look for them to tear their bodies apart and kick-roll their heads down the streets like they have done in the past. Look for them to take keepsakes of babies hands, men's ears or noses, and do other unspeakable acts that they have done mere months ago.

    Then look for chaos and darkness to descend upon the land. Every group will be angling for rulership. Judging from recent elections there, many groups will run on the same platform as one did so successfully before: who can kill the most Jews. When rival groups aren't busy killing each other, look for them to be competing as to how many rockets they can launch at Israel, how many genocide bombers they can send, roadside bombs they can plant, axe murders they can commit and more.

    Meanwhile, look for the media to play it up to Israel's detriment. Look for Al-Jazeera, the BBC, CNN and Reuters to report that "Palestinian activists" took to the streets to express their grief. They may even show file footage of a Jewish family celebrating a wedding with much dancing, laughing and handing out of treats, implying that this was the way that Jews treated the death of Arafat. Even the New York Times and the Village Voice might get into the act with banner headlines reading "Last Victim of Intifadah", and showing Arafat's picture alongside some file photos of the IDF bulldozing a house.

    Also look for Islamists the world over blaming Jews for the 'premature' death of Yasser Arafat (as if he was too young to die of old age). Recalling recent incidents in Europe, riots, burnings and home invasions on a massive scale may become common, along with knifings and stonings. Jewish businesses the world over may be trashed and looted, Jewish schoolchildren may be dragged through the streets and beaten. This will be a very difficult time for Jews.

    Meanwhile, I noticed a curious thing that may be more than an oddity if Arafat dies now. When the talk of a Knesset vote on Sharon's "disengagement plan" (more accurately known as the "expulsion-of-Jews-from-their-homes plan") first started, Arafat got sick. Within hours of it passing, he fell critically ill. I wonder...

    Moving along, in keeping with journalistic tradition, I have written a piece about Arafat before his demise. Most newspapers do this for famous people so they can go to press as soon as someone of importance passes. Here is mine, which is not a bio, but the eulogy I'd love to deliver.

    Arafat's Pre-Mortem Eulogy

    We come here today to rejoice in the belated death of Mohammed Abdul-Ra'ouf Qudwa Al-Husseini, an Egyptian who changed his name to Yasser Arafat. Having aspired to follow in the footsteps of his uncle -- the Grand Mufti of Jerusalem -- who was Hitler's representative in the Middle East, Arafat decided to continue Hitler's plans of committing genocide on the Jewish people.

    In the early 1960s, he cobbled together a group of Arab rejects, mostly from Jordan and Egypt, and renamed them the "Palestinians". Right off, he led his 'people' to an ignoble start, using murder, terror and unmentionable atrocities in an attempt to destroy a sovereign nation and exterminate an entire people. He continued on through 40 years of murder, mayhem and genocide and will share a place in history next to Hitler.

    Listing each and every one of his acts of horror, barbarity and chaos would take way too long and I know you are all in a party mood, so let me conclude this with a warning to Satan:

    Now that Arafat is in your domain, look out for him organizing a bunch of demons, declaring them the originators of your realm and the first and only "Satanists", creating chaos and angling to have your own area declared illegally "occupied" by you. You must also beware, he will soon have help. Some of his most ardent supporters in the UN are biologically scheduled to relocate to your realm soon, as is his 'partner for peace' and co-Nobel Laureate.

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